“Thelma, I want the truth.” Steven Dudley’s chubby red face pushed into hers. Thelma looked down at her stomach and wanted to throw up.
“I went down to that gym, you know, I saw the two of you. You are such a slut, you know that.” Steven went to the cabinet and took down the vodka and poured himself a tall glass.
“Steve, you don’t mean that. Please don’t talk that way. I got to tell you something, it’s important please.” Thelma went to grab his hand but he pulled back.
“Don’t you dare touch me. I know exactly what you want to tell me. You’ve been fucking your trainer. Do you think I’m dumb? How long did you think you could have kept this from me?” He took another big gulp and threw the glass down. Glass and the leftover liquid flew everywhere and Thelma started to cry.
“Please Steve it was a horrible mistake. I’m so sorry.” At the thought of the phone call she received earlier, she started crying harder. “But I really do need to tell you something it’s important.”
“What could be more important than our marriage breaking up Thelma? You are such a selfish bitch sometimes.” Steven looked down at the mess he made and sighed, “I don’t think I can handle anything else.”
“I’m pregnant Steve.” Thelma looked down at her now flat stomach and couldn’t even imagine it with a child inside. She looked up at Steve and saw the question in his eyes.
“I don’t know who the father is.”
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This dialogue works pretty well. Two comments: first, avoid having characters refer to each other by name; it can sound artificial. In real life two people talking to each other don't usually do that unless they're peeved.
ReplyDeleteAlso work on making your dialogue a little less obvious/predictable. Remember, it's not what characters say that counts so much as HOW they say it. Here your dialogue is carrying information, but it needs to do more. One key is to be a little less direct, to have people NOT say exactly what they are thinking, but to dance around it, to come at it from an angle, not straight on.